Fun Teacher

Everything is starting to feel normal so I feel lost. Sometimes, I don't feel fulfilled by this teaching job and other times I continue to think that this is a great place to be because it influences people.

I'm learning to look at myself differently. I'm learning to be humble because I realize that I don't give myself second chances. I am learning to live in the present and I am taking a second look on how my thoughts influence my actions and my reactions to others. We are all imperfect. Living in a foreign country, we become more aware of ourselves. It's a good place to be in little bite sized pieces everyday. Self care is a great thing.

There are many things I want to do but I'm not not sure which one would be the best for my own personal development and experience in Korea. I'm not sure why I can't do things that I actually want to do so I end up looking incredibly lazy to others. I attempt to learn Korean with a coworker and I managed not to study at all. I'm trying to become a former tomboy by creating a daily habit of wearing makeup everyday. I feel really confident when I do wear it. Let's say I am trying to transform my outer and inner self into something better. I want to be someone that I want to be around.

There are also moments in my life that I am not aware of until I tell my friends and family of my experiences with the kids at my hagwon. They all tell me that I sound like I am a fun teacher. I didn't realize that before but I guess I am. I try to make a class fun because otherwise who is going to pay attention? Adults want to have fun too!

My most memorable moment last week happened when I witnessed children having fun singing a song with perfect harmony and actions. I don't think I did much but whatever I did, it worked. They listened to the song in their textbook twice. S: Teacher! This is too fast! T: OK, listen one more time! Next, They practiced the song with motions and humming one time. At this point, there was no CD. They were automatically doing this anyway because the song was too fast. I told them to stop the motions. T: Sing the song to me. At first, they weren't singing. It sounded like grumbled English. T: Stop! S: They stop talking. T: Sing! The students sing the entire song. They knew every word really well. So, I gave the call for them to sing the entire song with motions and voice. I felt very happy watching them sing and clap their way through the song. They were having so much fun and I could feel it too.

Immediately after they were finished: T: Great job everyone! That was wonderful! S: Teacher! Your looking really pretty today! The rest of the class starts clapping for me. I smiled and said thank you. You are all great too! S: Yay! They continue to clap. We end the class with a bunch of English games since there was still class to be had. The class helped me to feel confident and to know that I should be here right now doing what I do and not wanting anything more in that moment.

I learned to appreciate what I already had.

Change

I'm starting to realize how blessed I am to be in Korea. There are people who say that it's the relationships that you have with other people that makes life more bearable. It's true.

I recently celebrated my birthday on Saturday. Every year, I wouldn't care very much about it so I'd treat it as any other day. It was a self fulfilling prophesy. I was miserable and it probably had to do with self esteem issues. This year, I wanted to do something different to make it special. I was like, Hell, I am still ALIVE!!! Isn't that enough reason to celebrate?

The Friday before my birthday. A few kids found out that it was my birthday. The older ones complained that I should of told them earlier so they could prepare for it. I thought that was sweet. The same class sang the birthday song for me for a minute. What sweet hearts. Speaking of sweet hearts, it was valentines day. It is a day to give and receive chocolate. I gave every kid a piece of chocolate. I ended up with a big handful of chocolate gifts from the students. My coworker, Romy, commented that the kids have good instincts. Ahhh! Such sweet people!

The next day, I treated myself to a Korean cooking class. I learned to make kimchi, kimchi pancakes and this type of meat with a three other girls eager to learn. I signed up wanting to learn how to make Korean food but I did not know what type of food I was making. I was excited to know that I would now be able to make kimchi for unsuspecting westerners. Ahahaha! The taste of kimchi is a required taste for most westerners. The taste of fresh kimchi is much better then the type that has been fermentation for a couple of days.

I was a year older. How do you act older? By getting a haircut. I like going to the salon. I choose this style because of the bangs. I only wanted a trip but she cut my hair shorter then I wanted it. I was the first foreigner to go into this hair salon. All my life I believed my hair to be thick with a slight wave but the hair stylist said my hair was really thing. I think that living in Korea for seven months changed my hair but definitely not for the better. There is a first for everything. I ended up becoming angry and asking all of my friends if they liked it. Most of their comments were positive. My wave is back. The style is growing on me.

Later, I made a reservation at an Indian restaurant. It is a favorite among foreigners and Koreans. It would be my 4th time there. I got a free bottle of wine to share at the table. I expected at leave 5-7 people to show up. I did not expect 11 people to show up to celebrate with me. My coworker, Romy, came as well. Somehow, I managed to invite all the Americans I knew. There were two Koreans. After dinner, we went to a nora bong. They are music rooms where people go and sing karaoke with one another. It was a good time. Three of my friends bought a small ice cream cake covered in ice cream stars. They all sang the birthday song. I felt really special and grateful for these people in my life.

Everything is normal again. There are no celebrations or vacations. I have been in Korea for seven months and have still not managed to learn any Korean. I have taken a few trips to see a few festivals and recently went on a trip to Jeju island. I hope to go back again when the weather is nicer. I hope to get a regular hobby so that my brain is not always occupied with school work.

Working at a hagwon (private school) is a lot of busy work. I work a swing shift from 1:30 pm until 9 pm. I don't enjoy swing shifts but I like this school. The work is becoming a little more difficult. I am struggling to update my skills as a teacher so I can multitask better. I don't know how people do this job for a living. I'm not sure if being a teacher fits my personality. It's difficult for me to make small talk but I tend to be really good with young kids. I'm still not sure what my strengths are because there is always something to be improved. Did I mention that I am craving to learn how to play the mandolin? I think the sound suits my personality. I'm not sure how I would do that or if I ever could. I find it difficult now just to find to cook for myself and keep my apartment decently clean. I really hate swing shifts.

Until next time.

I need a vacation.

It's snowing! I never really liked the snow but I think my perspective has changed. Snowflakes fall from the sky and generously smother our faces with its white residue. This snowfall represents my place in Korea. I try so hard to be 'normal' but I can't figure out how to be normal in this country. I suffocate. It's far too dangerous to be myself.

So far, I have managed to throw up outside of a big plus store, and then find myself  in a taxi with a rush to get back to my apartment with an oblivious taxi driver. I have really bad nausea and bad stomach pain from eating pizza I had left out overnight in my apartment. I was throwing up in the bathroom in the store. I needed to get home fast. I could'nt believe that I could be so stupid!

I hand him the card that had the address of my school. He's asking me where this address is and asks me where to go. Isn't that your job? I don't know? At this point, I don't want to explain anything. I am in agony and all I can say is, "I am so sick....ughhhhh". I am still in this agony and I am trying really hard not to throw up in this taxi. He puts the address in his GPS and off he goes.  This taxi driver felt bad but all he could do to distract me by asking me where I was from.
Where are you from?
What?
Amigo? (America)
Yes.
Where...America?
Washington state.
I....don't....know....state.
Where?
Oregon......At this point I wanted him to shut up.

So, we arrive at our destination. He tells me, Have a wonderful, fantastic, lovely, good day! I had enough. I'm getting out of this taxi but before I can leave he goes...YA!( Hey!)....I look at him. He winks and raises his hand to a fist pump and says "Fighting!" I could only muster a smile. I walked slowly back to my apartment to recover from my terrible mistake. Now, all I can do is laugh about it.

Most Koreans would consider going immediately to the hospital. I told my friend about this disaster and she told me that if I were Korean, I would be going to the hospital. No, I'm not Korean. I'm American. Americans go home. We're cheap like that. Our health care is too expensive. Besides, I knew why I was sick. I'll just let nature take its course. This too shall pass.

Remember how I lost my phone? Well, I lost my passport. At least I thought it was lost. I looked everywhere. I was convinced that it was lost so I booked a bus ticket at midnight to travel to Busan with all of my documents. There was a hotel where the U.S Embassy would help me out.

I got to the bus station at 3am. The bus arrived somewhere in the middle of no where and I was about to get off when the bus driver told me to no. What? I was worried since I did not want to get out of that bus in the middle of no where in some city I've never been to before. I'm staring at this guy like a deer in headlights and this other guy asks me,
"Where are you going?"
"Busan." I just stare at him too.
The two chat in Korean. I don't understand any of it. They seemed to mutually agree on something and the guy outside leaves. The bus driver wants to take me somewhere. I trusted that this was OK since it was a public bus and I probably was going to be OK anyway but...who knows? He was kind enough to take me back to the bus station. What a relief.

Next, I had to find a place to sleep. How did I get myself into this mess? I brainstormed many of my options. First, where am I at? I found the name of the bus station. I need options so I thought through them. I could stay awake all night and go off to this hotel at 9am and come back. I had a warm place to sit and wonder and I could even "sleep" in a stall in a burger joint if I really wanted to. Now, that's real adventure. I reconsidered that idea when I thought about my earlier decision to take a shower before going to a bus station. I erased that idea from my mind.

So, I called the tourist hotline. I need a warm place to sleep. Here is a place for 40,000 won. Too expensive. How about a Korean spa? 5,000 won! Bingo! I wrote down the number with a borrowed pen. I went outside to give the taxi driver this number. No one could understand what a Korean sauna was. I was like Sauna! Sauna? I gave them the number but it was wrong. So, I called the tourist line to get a different number. I learned later that it's prononced sowna. I arrived to this motel with the only English speaking taxi driver there. Motel! There is the sauna! Oh, how wrong I was. It was the 40,000 won motel. I just gave up. I paid for it and went upstairs to sleep. That is the same night I found my passport. I couldn't believe it. I was angry so with myself. I couldn't blame anyone else but myself and I just wanted to die and melt into a puddle. That passport was in my bag during this entire trip. How ironic.

Reminder to self. Please keep track of your things. You do NOT want to take the extra effort to get a new one. Trust me.

I need a vacation.

New School.

I recently moved to a new city within Gwangju that is about a 40 minute bus ride from everywhere. It is almost in the middle of no where. I like it here. It's peaceful.

I feel like I can fit in here. Everyone is supportive and appreciates my role here. The students here speak better English then at my former hagwon. They are also older. This is an area of town where most of the middle class live so students are not as insane. The students aren't as spoiled here. The other place I lived is where all the rich people lived so I guess that the children received no rules on how to behave properly.

This program here is also much better. This hagwon focuses on speaking and writing. There are occasional speech contests. The former teacher was here for two years. That is quite a good sign for a hagwon. I was even told to record my classes. The other teachers would offer me constructive criticism about the teaching of my classes. I am even teaching three adults on their speaking skills. The material that I need to teach is straight forward. The classes should be interactive. I think that is the most difficult part since I have to apply the learning of the material with games and activities. It's harder then it looks.

I have even been invited to hang out with the teachers for lunch and dinner. I was asked to go out to dinner with two of my co-teachers and I acted so excited. One of my teachers told me to calm down. It was because I was so excited. I have never been invited to go out for dinner with my co-teachers before.

This is a good start to my new life in Korea. Cheers!

I'm finally moving on....

Hello.

I AM OUT OF THAT HELL HOLE OF A HAGWON!!! I am so happy. I can almost move on except for a couple of things.

I had to go back to that school one last time to pay my last rent. I did not want to go but I had to since I had no way of transferring any funds to her Korean bank account from an ATM. I had to give her the money in person because this was the only was I could pay for it.

Anyway, that same day I went on a trip to immigration with my new director. She was told by the immigration officer that she needed tax information from my former school. OK, fine. She offered to take me back home and said we would we would have to come back another day. I said I needed to visit this school to pay my last rent. She thought it would be faster to get tax information from my former school directly so we went in the school van to a city about 40 minutes away.

I was greeted with cheerful glee from the principle and the director but this was Korea. The last person that they wanted to see was me and this was not how they really felt about me. They were saving face. They served us tea in fancy cups. They talked for a long time in Korean while the principle was getting the tax information. Obviously, I could not understand anything. It was another game of charades in order to try and grasp anything they were talking about. I had fum imagining this witch with a lions mane all over her face. I knew her true nature. I don't know what I would be doing if my currently director wasn't with me.

There was a moment when my director had to step out briefly to take a phone call. I still was sitting there drinking tea out of this fancy cup. Suddenly, I noticed that their shadow was cast over my teacup so I looked up and noticed they were both standing over me with their evil grins. "Are you happy?" they asked. "Yes." I said with a unsettling nod. What were they trying to get at? It was then that I was grateful for a language barrier. I don't know what other threats she could of said to me.

The director said that she would withhold my last paycheck. Om....I thought you had already paid me? I was told before I left that she would put that deposit in my bank account right away. I fixed and mailed this phone back to this school. I did not trust this lady to pay me back but she did.

 I want to tell you the story of this phone. I dropped this phone on the floor and broke the screen a week before my contract ended. I was terrified. I was scared of how this women would treat me. I spent some time looking for a place to fix the phone but no one knew where I should go to fix this phone. The only place that I knew and trusted by other foreigners did not have any matching screens for this brand of phone. I was at a loss to where I could this stupid phone fixed. As I was trying to figure this out, I left it on a bus the following week. I tried to say that the phone was stolen since I didn't know if the phone was going to be returned to me after losing it. Well...several phone calls later with the help of a Korean friend calling this lost phone, the phone was returned to the bus station by some random Korean man. I bet if this screen was not broken, he would of kept it. Whatever. I went to pick up this phone. This trip was about 40 minute taxi ride. I had to leave around 8AM  and arrive back to work by 11AM in order to leave enough time to be at work the same day.

I gave the "stolen" phone with the address and the money to fix it to the director. I thought I was off the hook. Next, my co-teacher tells me that she wants to have dinner with her. She does not want to leave on bad terms. Well, the dinner never happened and how was going to communicate to me? I already had plans...

The lesson is that you should never agree to use a companies cell phone. I can finally move on.

I quit my job.

I've been in a roller coaster of bad moods for the past three months. I came into Korea with a colorful view of the future as a teacher in training for kindergarten and elementary students. My job made me bitter about everything, including Korea. I never saw through those rose colored sunglasses.

I was thrown into a disorganized workplace that did not have their crap together. I was forced to know everything by week one. I had students yelling into my face. You mix that with the inability to manage these students and as a result, I experienced internal chaos on a daily basis. I was consistently reminded of my inability to do my job despite being told many times that it is my job to figure it out anyway. I was under deep stress. I did not eat. My coworker, Jenny, had noticed that I was getting skinnier. When I did eat, it wasn't that filling. I acknowledged this to myself but I didn't look twice. I had no short term memory and I was losing more hair then I was used to after every shower There were more bad then good days. I wanted out of that pit of despair.

I didn't know how long I was going to survive. I wasn't prepared to hear of all the horror stories of former native English teachers that used to work here. I was thrown into this place by my recruiter. As a business, their goal is to earn money for their business. They guilt tripped me into taking this position because they had no other positions available at the time. I was not convinced since I could not contact any former native teachers. I really wanted this type of job so I took the offer. Patience is a virtue because I regret ever making that decision. I learned later from another couple that the same recruiter had placed them there and they had experienced the same results as I had. This company has no consideration for anyone except themselves. I can't believe that I assumed that this recruiter or any recruiter would be looking out for my well being.

I worked in a place of hell. Every teacher was afraid of this director. She has a great temper and power to use people to do her will. She is the devil in disguise. Her hard earned power is shown by the fact that she owns all of these hagwon chains in the Gwangju area. She manipulated people and disrespected them. My former manager had warned her that she would quit if she were to be treated with disrespect. Well, she never changed her attitude and my manager quit. 

The director attempted to look for a new manager. Ten people came to be interviewed. The next day, no one came. My co-teachers became the new managers. Oh no. 

She would manipulate people to treat others unfairly so they would do her will. I had a teacher meeting with her and two other co-teachers who had become my managers. She manipulated them to be cruel to me for not doing my job right. I had never felt so under appreciated and ridiculed in my life. I was under so much hatred that I managed to not eat for the entire day until I left at the end of my shift. I refused to eat anything that was made in this school. I refused to listen to anyone's advice. No one was there for me.

I wanted to try at my job harder. I wanted to do it for the kids since I was their teacher. There were no comments for me yet so I thought I was doing OK. I thought I was doing it right until I was called in to meet with the teachers. The non-contracted teacher came to my aid before the meeting and told me after all that observing the relationship between the school and me that she concluded that it was not a workplace relationship that could be made better. I could always try to do better but if I was fired I would have to leave the country and I wouldn't be able to visit Korea for 30 years as the result of a break in my visa. The best decision would be to find a new job even though it isn't guaranteed. I also thought this was for the best because by this point, no matter what I did, I would not please this director and I am not going to risk my visa so I quit that day. I cried a little because I tried to hard to do my best but no matter what I did, it was not enough for this evil witch. I was under appreciated and worthless. They never saw the good things that I had done for students. I was ready to go. I was not going to try to please anyone here for any longer.

I made a threat to the first graders to bring a person of authority since they were misbehaving. I did not want it to seem like an empty threat so I followed through with the idea. I could not find the principle so I brought the director. I don't think I could have been so stupid to even consider her. She ridiculed me in Korean all the way to my classroom. Another teacher was with me. I asked her what she was saying and she said nothing but weakly smiled and quickly looked away. She was literally yelling so the entire floor so everyone could hear quite clearly what she was saying to everyone else. When I stared at her, the look in her eyes were so evil. I was looking at the devil in the eyes when she yelled at me. I am not that mean of a person. This was after I had quit the job.

I had to wait until the new teacher came. The news came and went and I was already yearning to start my new job. I had already told some of my kids by now. There were already rumors that a new teacher was coming. I have no idea how that got started. I felt that I had been liked by the students. A handful of the students are already sad to know that I am leaving. This breaks my heart because of this crappy place. There is such a high turnover of teachers that they cannot built quality relationships with any of the native teachers. 

The new teacher can't get their visa for another week so I am forced to be here for one more week. I had additional news of chaos. I left my phone on the bus. So, it was stolen and not lost. I don't technically own this phone but I was being told to pay $1,000 dollars for it. RIP OFF. I don't know of any phone costing this much. I am in a race now. I had a Korean friend call for this lost phone at a lost and found at the bus station. I'm going to retrieve it before my director does. I hear of someone who is already looking to get this phone so I need to retrieve this phone before the school does. I plan to get the screen fixed and have the company mail it to the school. I just hope this works out. I don't want to be connected to this school any longer.

I hope to start my job by the end of this week. I hope I don't experience as much hell as I did there.

Festivals +4

Drama, Kimchi, Oktoberfest and Lantern Festival.